U....is for Unflattering Uniform

Seriously, I would like to have a conversation with whoever invented chef uniforms. I realize that they are designed to protect the chef, but I don't think they could come up with anything more unflattering if they tried. I mean the coat is sorta cute. Especially if I could wear it with jeans or leggings or something. But no, I get to wear them with black and white checkered pajama style pants. I feel like a clown. I wear and XS and feel like I accidentally took my husband's pants. I mean checkered pants is a fashion statement that didn't even look cool in the 80's (that's how you know it's really bad). And I really thought I left elastic waistbands in my toddler years.
And the shoes. Wow, they deserve their own paragraph. There is nothing fashionable, attractive, or sexy about chef shoes. They are all black, hard-soled, non-marking, non-skid pairs of ugly. Think black nurses shoes. Or worse, some people wear Crocs. Morally offensive and wrong - do not get me started on those.
Then throw on a goofy hat that I have to stuff ALL of my hair up in (there's a lot of it!), and a neckerchief with a windsor knot, and an apron.
Put it all together, and what do you get? A Hot Mess.
One Unflattering Uniform, coming right up!